I had the second portion of my sleep study last night. Apparently with all my other “old age” creeping up on me ailments I now have sleep apnea. My throat constricts (I believe it is because of all the lovely fat that is in my honking big neck) when I lay on my back to sleep. The technician was working to see what size of mask and how much air pressure I needed to keep my airway open so that I could breathe and get the necessary amount of oxygen flowing through my blood. I will have to wear this mask and have air pushing into my nose and mouth so that I can breath continuously through the night until I don't know when.
When he first put the mask on I thought okay I can deal with this. I have claustrophobia. The mask was so tight on my face it actually hurt, I felt physical pain. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t open my mouth wide and yawn, which helps me inhale deeply. I was angry with myself for allowing my weight to get so out of hand. I kept saying over and over, it’s going to be okay, just relax the pain will subside and you will fall asleep. I did rest for a little bit. Then I was awakened by a noise.
There were some leakages taking place with the mask which meant the proper seal was not in place, therefore, I was not able to sleep because the noise of the escaping air kept waking me up. The technician gave me a break from the mask for a few minutes and I was feeling okay at that point. Then he had to put it back on. He got it placed again properly and secured onto my face so that the seal was hopefully solid. As I lay there, awake, I again tried to convince myself that I would be okay. This time I began to panic and wanted to scream and claw at this intrusion so that I could be breathe freely. I started praying and asking God to help me calm down and relax, to forget the thing that was so blatantly in my face. Instead He calmed me down and helped me to deal with what was in my face. I realized that I had to confront this fear and accept that it was something that was going to be a part of me, like it or not, and trust Him to help me handle it.
How awesome God is, because as I was dealing with this very physical issue He helped me see back to the time when I was first faced with separation and divorce. It was something that was blatantly in my face and definitely not something I wanted. So many times in the first few months I felt so panicked and overwhelmed with what I had to face I wanted to scream, and angry I wanted to claw the face of “him.” I had many nights with leakages that caused me to not sleep. The racking sobs were so hard to control, much less stop. I felt physical pain from all the sleepless nights, not able to eat, feeling as though I would not be able to catch my breath, and being angry with the one who made decisions that put me in this position. Most of these nights instead of just lying there I would turn on my light and pull out my Bible and read another Psalm and journal my feelings. One night I was flipping back to Psalms and my eyes fell upon Isaiah 43:1-3a. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Right before my eyes was the encouragement I needed to keep going, keep trusting and believing that I would be able to handle what was before me. **“But now, O[*put in your name*], the Lord who created you says: “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are MINE. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” I realized that I needed to let the “expert” adjust my mask and get the pressure right so that I could breath properly and not give under the pressure of my life that was before me. I definitely didn’t want to quit until He was finished refining and defining me.
Whether you are going through separation and divorce right now or some other obstacle is blatantly in your face, believe me when I say, “He will get you through it” you have to quit fighting and panicking at every turn and simply turn it over to Him. Let Him set the pressure and I can guarantee you will come though feeling better than you could ever imagine. You will look back and think it wasn’t so bad after all. Your problems will not suffocate you if you give them to Him.
**Isaiah 43:1-3b NLT *Lord in the text
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Detoxification
Recently I celebrated the big “5 - 0” and with that joyous occasion came new medical procedures one must endure. I had to cleanse my system so that my “test” would be successful. As I was going through this process God spoke to my heart during my morning devotions and I was reminded of another cleansing, or detoxification I had to go through several years ago. I was going through a Bible study, at the same time as this physical cleansing, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom titled, “Seeking Him Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival.” How like Him to work through my body and soul at the same time.
As I worked my way through the study, mentioned above, there were several quotes along with scripture that just struck me and caused me many moments of pondering. Nancy and Tim tell a story about a woman and her husband and the lesson they learned regarding forgiveness. One of the statements in this story that struck me was, “I learned that forgiveness was not something I could do on my own, but that Christ could forgive through me.” I found this so true as I reflected on my past and the forgiveness that I had to choose to do. On day 2 the key point in this study was, “We cannot avoid being hurt and wronged by others. Therefore, we cannot avoid the need to forgive others.” During my separation and divorce I had a year of professional counseling to help me come to terms with all that had taken place over the past 23 years of marriage and 39 years of life. My counselor had me do an exercise that to this day I know helped me take the major steps of forgiving. He had me pray and ask God to help me remember as far back as I could all the hurts that I had been dealt in my life and to write each one down. Then go back through them and ask God to help me feel the emotion that went with that hurt. The last step was to seek Him to show me if there was any unforgiveness in my heart toward the person who had been involved. It was such an emotionally draining time. In the end after I was cried out and spent I had such a peace about me. I felt clean and renewed. Day 3 brought out that, “God is sovereign over the hurts others inflict on us and will use them for redemptive purposes if we let Him.” I can look back on the past 10 years and see how He has used those hurts I suffered to minister to others and point them to the Source of healing. Day 4’s key point was, “Forgiveness means that I fully release the offender from his debt. It means fully cleaning his record. It is a promise never to bring up the offense against him again (to God, to others, or to the offender himself).” [See Romans 12: 17-21] There was a time when I would have thought this impossible or wrong! To me this meant that I would have to forget the injury, say what was done was okay, but I was wrong. That isn’t what this is saying. Please know and understand that I know there are some things that are really hard forget, especially when it was done to you. I believe God doesn’t expect you to forget them like He promises to forget our sins [Psalm 103:12, Hebrews 10:17, Jeremiah 31:34]. My precious husband, Charlie, tells me when I struggle with this that it is like a book in the library of life. You’ve read that book and you know it is on the shelf. As each day passes you no longer pick it up, open it up and read it. Later on, you don’t even touch it as you walk by, then one day you realize that it is in your peripheral vision. It is there, always will be, but never again will it haunt you. That’s what God’s forgiveness through you does, it allows you the freedom to not be chained to the pain any longer. You don’t throw the hurt in the face of the accuser, trying to make them feel the same pain they caused you. There are some things that are best to forgive and move on not worry about trying to reconcile the relationship with. These are areas it is best to meet with your Pastor or a Christian counselor on for solid Biblical guidance. This area of forgiveness was the hardest for me to face. Forgiveness in these times is truly a day at a time choice. C.S. Lewis says, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. This is hard;…how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night, ’Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it means to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves.” Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Oh that the pain of our lives can be offered up to Him as a sweet fragrance to His nostrils as we choose to forgive. Another key point on day 4 was, “Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is a transaction in which I release my debtor from the obligation to repay his debt.” When my husband left me and the truth of all that had taken place in our family’s life started surfacing I had to deal with some ugly things that came to life. God showed me during those months that I had a decision to make. Was I going to choose to forgive him for what he had done or was I going to hang onto the bitterness that was beginning to grow inside of me. I was scared to let it go because I felt if I did then I was saying what he did was okay. I was scared to hang on to it because I knew it would mean separation from the only One who could help me. “Bitterness robs us of joy and peace. It hijacks us, taking us places we never wanted to go, doing things we never wanted to do, and making us people we never wanted to be.” – Bill Elliff I realized that when I released him and his actions toward us to God then he was no longer my responsibility and I could be free to move forward in His plan for my children and I.
God took His love and mercy, and through my forgiving my ex for all he did I was able to detoxify my heart and my whole being. I felt life within my vital organs and all of my body that I hadn’t felt in months. Even looking back at that moment in my life I get rejuvenated by the knowledge that God loves me so much and wants what is best for me. I am so thankful that His grace has cleansed me from those hard feelings that made me not just physically ill but spiritually sick.
When was the last time you “detoxed” your spiritual system. Is there someone you may need to forgive, maybe it is even just yourself? Don’t hang onto any more crud, purge it from every part of your being and feel the rejuvenation in your heart the way I did in mine.
“To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.”
– Author Unknown
Quotes in italics from “Seeking Him Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss & Tim Grissom with Life Action Ministries
Moody Publishers, Chigaco
As I worked my way through the study, mentioned above, there were several quotes along with scripture that just struck me and caused me many moments of pondering. Nancy and Tim tell a story about a woman and her husband and the lesson they learned regarding forgiveness. One of the statements in this story that struck me was, “I learned that forgiveness was not something I could do on my own, but that Christ could forgive through me.” I found this so true as I reflected on my past and the forgiveness that I had to choose to do. On day 2 the key point in this study was, “We cannot avoid being hurt and wronged by others. Therefore, we cannot avoid the need to forgive others.” During my separation and divorce I had a year of professional counseling to help me come to terms with all that had taken place over the past 23 years of marriage and 39 years of life. My counselor had me do an exercise that to this day I know helped me take the major steps of forgiving. He had me pray and ask God to help me remember as far back as I could all the hurts that I had been dealt in my life and to write each one down. Then go back through them and ask God to help me feel the emotion that went with that hurt. The last step was to seek Him to show me if there was any unforgiveness in my heart toward the person who had been involved. It was such an emotionally draining time. In the end after I was cried out and spent I had such a peace about me. I felt clean and renewed. Day 3 brought out that, “God is sovereign over the hurts others inflict on us and will use them for redemptive purposes if we let Him.” I can look back on the past 10 years and see how He has used those hurts I suffered to minister to others and point them to the Source of healing. Day 4’s key point was, “Forgiveness means that I fully release the offender from his debt. It means fully cleaning his record. It is a promise never to bring up the offense against him again (to God, to others, or to the offender himself).” [See Romans 12: 17-21] There was a time when I would have thought this impossible or wrong! To me this meant that I would have to forget the injury, say what was done was okay, but I was wrong. That isn’t what this is saying. Please know and understand that I know there are some things that are really hard forget, especially when it was done to you. I believe God doesn’t expect you to forget them like He promises to forget our sins [Psalm 103:12, Hebrews 10:17, Jeremiah 31:34]. My precious husband, Charlie, tells me when I struggle with this that it is like a book in the library of life. You’ve read that book and you know it is on the shelf. As each day passes you no longer pick it up, open it up and read it. Later on, you don’t even touch it as you walk by, then one day you realize that it is in your peripheral vision. It is there, always will be, but never again will it haunt you. That’s what God’s forgiveness through you does, it allows you the freedom to not be chained to the pain any longer. You don’t throw the hurt in the face of the accuser, trying to make them feel the same pain they caused you. There are some things that are best to forgive and move on not worry about trying to reconcile the relationship with. These are areas it is best to meet with your Pastor or a Christian counselor on for solid Biblical guidance. This area of forgiveness was the hardest for me to face. Forgiveness in these times is truly a day at a time choice. C.S. Lewis says, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. This is hard;…how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night, ’Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it means to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves.” Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Oh that the pain of our lives can be offered up to Him as a sweet fragrance to His nostrils as we choose to forgive. Another key point on day 4 was, “Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is a transaction in which I release my debtor from the obligation to repay his debt.” When my husband left me and the truth of all that had taken place in our family’s life started surfacing I had to deal with some ugly things that came to life. God showed me during those months that I had a decision to make. Was I going to choose to forgive him for what he had done or was I going to hang onto the bitterness that was beginning to grow inside of me. I was scared to let it go because I felt if I did then I was saying what he did was okay. I was scared to hang on to it because I knew it would mean separation from the only One who could help me. “Bitterness robs us of joy and peace. It hijacks us, taking us places we never wanted to go, doing things we never wanted to do, and making us people we never wanted to be.” – Bill Elliff I realized that when I released him and his actions toward us to God then he was no longer my responsibility and I could be free to move forward in His plan for my children and I.
God took His love and mercy, and through my forgiving my ex for all he did I was able to detoxify my heart and my whole being. I felt life within my vital organs and all of my body that I hadn’t felt in months. Even looking back at that moment in my life I get rejuvenated by the knowledge that God loves me so much and wants what is best for me. I am so thankful that His grace has cleansed me from those hard feelings that made me not just physically ill but spiritually sick.
When was the last time you “detoxed” your spiritual system. Is there someone you may need to forgive, maybe it is even just yourself? Don’t hang onto any more crud, purge it from every part of your being and feel the rejuvenation in your heart the way I did in mine.
“To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.”
– Author Unknown
Quotes in italics from “Seeking Him Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss & Tim Grissom with Life Action Ministries
Moody Publishers, Chigaco
Saturday, July 18, 2009
What Does Your Life Say?
I asked a question on my Facebook page one day and, surprisingly enough, I only got a couple of responses. My question was for you to think about the relationships in your life and prioritize them in order of importance to you.
Those who responded that were married put their spouse first. Those who were single or single again placed their children first. One person wanted to know how they were supposed to be placed.
This made me really think about how this would show what is truly important to us. You would hope those who know Christ would list that relationship as first and foremost, but many times we forget what a viable relationship that is in our lives, or is it?
We all know individuals that are struggling and hurting, even lost. We ask for prayer for them. We need to have others praying for our friends, family, and acquaintances. I believe a question we need to ask ourselves, in the process, is what are we doing in our lives to help those we know are hurting for them and to be seeking the ONLY ONE who can heal and bring hope. What is our life of worship speaking to them? How do we handle the crises’ in our lives in front of them? Who or what do they see us turn to? I truly believe if we all lived out Matthew 6:33 in our lives we would see more people in our lives ask us how we got through this or that and give us an opportunity to share our faith with them. Matthew 7:20 says, “So then you will know them by their fruits.” Your friends and family will truly know Whose you are more by how you live than by what you say.
I met a man one day. He was married and had 6 children. I was tearing down a building across the street from where he lived. As I look back on that day I can honestly say that we instantly became friends. We didn’t have anything in common. I was divorced and a single again with a son, who lived with his mother. I was of the Christian faith and he of the Mormon. There was just something in us that connected though. After I closed down my demolition business and opened a furniture store he would stop in from time to time to visit. I’ll never forget the day he came in and brokenly told me his oldest daughter had cancer. I immediately asked if I could pray for her. I did with him right then and there in the store. This man had a really tough life growing up as a child having lived in many different foster homes. I gathered he'd never really had a friend or someone other than family care about or love him, no matter what. I know enough about the Mormon faith to know they don’t believe the only way to heaven is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I prayed for that man and his family and had others praying for him. He was always there when I needed his hand as I was for him. He would give of himself like no one else I’ve known. When the hurricanes hit he would go cut trees down and charge what the person could afford, even if it meant he earned not a penny from the job. He came to work for me at one of the jobs I’ve had here in Weimar. While we worked with each other we grew even closer and got to really know each other, good and bad. One day he decided to move his family to Colorado. His daughter had been in and out of remission and he was always there for her, keeping her spirits up and encouraging her to fight. I’ll never forget the day he called from Colorado and told me he’d been diagnosed with lung cancer and it was in the late stages. The doctors had given him just a few months to live. He was more concerned about his daughter and her keeping on fighting than he was his own. I prayed again with him. We always prayed together and had great conversations about spiritual matters. I never got to see him again. When his wife called to tell me he had passed away she told me that he never really allowed anyone to get close to him and see his vulnerable side or call them friends. She told me that was what he called me, his friend. What a privilege to have known such a giving, caring and loving man. What a privilege to be able to call him my friend, what an honor for him to call me friend. I believe I did what God called me to do with him, to sow and water. I’ll never know what the outcome was, whether anyone reaped the harvest. I can only hope that my obedience to live my life as genuine and true to my Savior in front of him helped him to be more than just a great friend but a brother. I have wondered, since his death, what kind of friend would I truly have been to Paul if I had not been obedient to Christ. What kind of friend would I have been to my Savior? Would I truly have had the honor of knowing he thought of me as a friend? Would he have ever heard anything about my best friend Jesus, if I hadn’t loved him through Him?
The short of all this is to say we are called to live our lives and love others through His eyes. The way we live should reflect our heart. What does your heart say about what and who is important to you? What do others see or hear in the way you live?
I want to encourage you to look at how you are living in your single again life. Do others see sin in your singleness or do they see your life sing for Christ in your singleness?
Those who responded that were married put their spouse first. Those who were single or single again placed their children first. One person wanted to know how they were supposed to be placed.
This made me really think about how this would show what is truly important to us. You would hope those who know Christ would list that relationship as first and foremost, but many times we forget what a viable relationship that is in our lives, or is it?
We all know individuals that are struggling and hurting, even lost. We ask for prayer for them. We need to have others praying for our friends, family, and acquaintances. I believe a question we need to ask ourselves, in the process, is what are we doing in our lives to help those we know are hurting for them and to be seeking the ONLY ONE who can heal and bring hope. What is our life of worship speaking to them? How do we handle the crises’ in our lives in front of them? Who or what do they see us turn to? I truly believe if we all lived out Matthew 6:33 in our lives we would see more people in our lives ask us how we got through this or that and give us an opportunity to share our faith with them. Matthew 7:20 says, “So then you will know them by their fruits.” Your friends and family will truly know Whose you are more by how you live than by what you say.
I met a man one day. He was married and had 6 children. I was tearing down a building across the street from where he lived. As I look back on that day I can honestly say that we instantly became friends. We didn’t have anything in common. I was divorced and a single again with a son, who lived with his mother. I was of the Christian faith and he of the Mormon. There was just something in us that connected though. After I closed down my demolition business and opened a furniture store he would stop in from time to time to visit. I’ll never forget the day he came in and brokenly told me his oldest daughter had cancer. I immediately asked if I could pray for her. I did with him right then and there in the store. This man had a really tough life growing up as a child having lived in many different foster homes. I gathered he'd never really had a friend or someone other than family care about or love him, no matter what. I know enough about the Mormon faith to know they don’t believe the only way to heaven is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I prayed for that man and his family and had others praying for him. He was always there when I needed his hand as I was for him. He would give of himself like no one else I’ve known. When the hurricanes hit he would go cut trees down and charge what the person could afford, even if it meant he earned not a penny from the job. He came to work for me at one of the jobs I’ve had here in Weimar. While we worked with each other we grew even closer and got to really know each other, good and bad. One day he decided to move his family to Colorado. His daughter had been in and out of remission and he was always there for her, keeping her spirits up and encouraging her to fight. I’ll never forget the day he called from Colorado and told me he’d been diagnosed with lung cancer and it was in the late stages. The doctors had given him just a few months to live. He was more concerned about his daughter and her keeping on fighting than he was his own. I prayed again with him. We always prayed together and had great conversations about spiritual matters. I never got to see him again. When his wife called to tell me he had passed away she told me that he never really allowed anyone to get close to him and see his vulnerable side or call them friends. She told me that was what he called me, his friend. What a privilege to have known such a giving, caring and loving man. What a privilege to be able to call him my friend, what an honor for him to call me friend. I believe I did what God called me to do with him, to sow and water. I’ll never know what the outcome was, whether anyone reaped the harvest. I can only hope that my obedience to live my life as genuine and true to my Savior in front of him helped him to be more than just a great friend but a brother. I have wondered, since his death, what kind of friend would I truly have been to Paul if I had not been obedient to Christ. What kind of friend would I have been to my Savior? Would I truly have had the honor of knowing he thought of me as a friend? Would he have ever heard anything about my best friend Jesus, if I hadn’t loved him through Him?
The short of all this is to say we are called to live our lives and love others through His eyes. The way we live should reflect our heart. What does your heart say about what and who is important to you? What do others see or hear in the way you live?
I want to encourage you to look at how you are living in your single again life. Do others see sin in your singleness or do they see your life sing for Christ in your singleness?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Looking at BIG Questions In a Small Way
Once a month Christian and I teach a 3 & 4 year old Bible Study class. This month posed an interesting question for us. Each Sunday the teacher for that day teaches their lesson based upon the theme for the month. We usually try, on our Sunday, to really get the theme across through a scripture verse or story. Today we used a verse about prayer. We wanted the children to understand that prayer is a simple conversation with God, just like they would talk to us or their friends. We used the acronym ACTS. How in the world were we going to explain what adoration, confession, thanksgiving (well that one was easy), and supplication is to a 3 or 4 year old? As we continued to pray on it throughout the week God gave us our explanation. We used colored beads to represent each word and made bracelets. We explained prayer like this: Adoration=saying good things about God, just like you would tell your mommy she was pretty or daddy was strong. Confession=telling God you were sorry for___. Thanksgiving=thank you God for ____. Supplication=pray for others and yourself. Now mind you we didn’t use the big words just the explanation. Talk about taxing your brain!
We needed to look at a big question in a small way. Our Bible verse for the month was 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Pray without ceasing.” How do you break this down for such young minds to understand? Pray without stopping, never stop praying, etc. Are we to be praying all the time, not engaging in conversation with others, or listening to what others say? So often we ask ourselves similar questions about our big problems. I know I’ve asked myself how you pray without stopping. Each of us have questions that at any given moment seem BIG. I think sometimes we don’t need to be so overwhelmed by the question but look at it in a different way. Try to look at the question through your “child-sized eyes.”
We had to take time, be still, to hear what He was saying to us about what to teach and how to teach it. We needed to search His Word to find what would go along with the theme, the issue at hand. We had to pray ourselves and offer our request to Him. The same solution or method doesn’t always work with every situation. Sometimes we have to look at what the outcome may be for each choice we make, look at all the different scenarios, or go backwards to find the answer. Many times you may need to seek Godly counsel to get the help in finding the answer. Whatever the question, the solution is always found in His Word. “Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you,” Matthew 6:33. If you are after Him, He and your answers will be revealed to you. Remember you are a child of God; He is your Father, Daddy. It doesn’t matter how, where, or when you pray, just talk to Him. He is always there for you.
My BIG question to you is, what are some of the big questions you’ve had along your Christian walk? Whether you find yourself single again or just a friend being kind and reading this blog I’d love to know some of your questions and how you went about finding the answers, or maybe you're still be waiting to hear the answer. Please leave a comment on the section below or you can write to me at verticalbound@yahoo.com Hope to hear from you.
We needed to look at a big question in a small way. Our Bible verse for the month was 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Pray without ceasing.” How do you break this down for such young minds to understand? Pray without stopping, never stop praying, etc. Are we to be praying all the time, not engaging in conversation with others, or listening to what others say? So often we ask ourselves similar questions about our big problems. I know I’ve asked myself how you pray without stopping. Each of us have questions that at any given moment seem BIG. I think sometimes we don’t need to be so overwhelmed by the question but look at it in a different way. Try to look at the question through your “child-sized eyes.”
We had to take time, be still, to hear what He was saying to us about what to teach and how to teach it. We needed to search His Word to find what would go along with the theme, the issue at hand. We had to pray ourselves and offer our request to Him. The same solution or method doesn’t always work with every situation. Sometimes we have to look at what the outcome may be for each choice we make, look at all the different scenarios, or go backwards to find the answer. Many times you may need to seek Godly counsel to get the help in finding the answer. Whatever the question, the solution is always found in His Word. “Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you,” Matthew 6:33. If you are after Him, He and your answers will be revealed to you. Remember you are a child of God; He is your Father, Daddy. It doesn’t matter how, where, or when you pray, just talk to Him. He is always there for you.
My BIG question to you is, what are some of the big questions you’ve had along your Christian walk? Whether you find yourself single again or just a friend being kind and reading this blog I’d love to know some of your questions and how you went about finding the answers, or maybe you're still be waiting to hear the answer. Please leave a comment on the section below or you can write to me at verticalbound@yahoo.com Hope to hear from you.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Weakness of My Strength
One of my favorite stories in the Bible is in the book of Hosea. God calls him to take a prostitute as a wife. He loves her and cares for her and she repays him by going out and cheating on him, returning to her life as a prostitute.
After I went through my separation and divorce I felt I was strong and capable of living on my own. I had taken a purity vow and through my own stupidity broke it. I felt like I was Gomer and cheated on my Lord. I don’t know what it is but we feel as though we need something from the opposite sex. In our loneliness we miss the companionship, or the warmth of their touch. We think that we can just be friends but we fool ourselves. I thought I was really strong in this area. I was on my guard with my weak spots keeping an eye out for the “crafty one” to try and trick me. I never realized that he was waiting for the right moment to “pounce” on me by distracting me from my goal, and thus, finding the weak spot in my strength. It was my fall, “the cutting off of my hair”. Like Sampson I was boastful in a way about my strength. When I wasn’t alert it was stolen from me. What seemed like a simple phone conversation turned into another, and much time spent alone. The emotional affair was going farther than just a simple friendship. Thank God that He brought us both to our senses before it turned into a complete full blown affair. I was so ashamed, but as always, God was waiting with open arms for me to return to Him. I felt His passion all the more for me. He saw to all my needs, and comforted me. His loving touch set my heart on fire and helped me to see that in my weakness I am strong because I depend on His strength to carry me through and not my own. How many times before had I “sold” myself for something else to try and satisfy me when what I needed was just an arms stretch away? He showed me through personal experience that having the relationship with Him would fill me in ways that a human relationship never could. Strengthening my relationship with Him was what help make the earthly friendships be what they needed to be. I saw that I really needed to keep my close friendships with individuals of the same sex and in His time the other would come when I was ready, really ready for it. If I wanted to hang with guys I needed the gals around to keep me from wandering off onto a path that led to disaster, and heartache that I wasn’t emotionally nor spiritually ready for. If you are desiring companionship and need that human touch from Him, pray and ask Him to lead you to the place you should be. Getting involved in ministry at your church will give you that companionship with both sexes in a safe environment. Working with others towards the same goal is very rewarding in all aspects of your life.
Are you prostituting your relationship with Him for something less than you deserve? Read through the story of Gomer and Hosea and see what God says to you. I’d love to hear your comments and experiences in this area. Please click on the comment section below and write your thoughts so that others may gain better understanding of what God can do through them if they open their hearts to Him.
After I went through my separation and divorce I felt I was strong and capable of living on my own. I had taken a purity vow and through my own stupidity broke it. I felt like I was Gomer and cheated on my Lord. I don’t know what it is but we feel as though we need something from the opposite sex. In our loneliness we miss the companionship, or the warmth of their touch. We think that we can just be friends but we fool ourselves. I thought I was really strong in this area. I was on my guard with my weak spots keeping an eye out for the “crafty one” to try and trick me. I never realized that he was waiting for the right moment to “pounce” on me by distracting me from my goal, and thus, finding the weak spot in my strength. It was my fall, “the cutting off of my hair”. Like Sampson I was boastful in a way about my strength. When I wasn’t alert it was stolen from me. What seemed like a simple phone conversation turned into another, and much time spent alone. The emotional affair was going farther than just a simple friendship. Thank God that He brought us both to our senses before it turned into a complete full blown affair. I was so ashamed, but as always, God was waiting with open arms for me to return to Him. I felt His passion all the more for me. He saw to all my needs, and comforted me. His loving touch set my heart on fire and helped me to see that in my weakness I am strong because I depend on His strength to carry me through and not my own. How many times before had I “sold” myself for something else to try and satisfy me when what I needed was just an arms stretch away? He showed me through personal experience that having the relationship with Him would fill me in ways that a human relationship never could. Strengthening my relationship with Him was what help make the earthly friendships be what they needed to be. I saw that I really needed to keep my close friendships with individuals of the same sex and in His time the other would come when I was ready, really ready for it. If I wanted to hang with guys I needed the gals around to keep me from wandering off onto a path that led to disaster, and heartache that I wasn’t emotionally nor spiritually ready for. If you are desiring companionship and need that human touch from Him, pray and ask Him to lead you to the place you should be. Getting involved in ministry at your church will give you that companionship with both sexes in a safe environment. Working with others towards the same goal is very rewarding in all aspects of your life.
Are you prostituting your relationship with Him for something less than you deserve? Read through the story of Gomer and Hosea and see what God says to you. I’d love to hear your comments and experiences in this area. Please click on the comment section below and write your thoughts so that others may gain better understanding of what God can do through them if they open their hearts to Him.
Friday, May 15, 2009
ALONE?
I don’t know if I was really ready to be on my own after having been under the submission of my parents and then immediately a husband. I hadn’t had to make my own decisions in I didn’t know how long. I knew I had God but realized I wasn’t as close to Him as I had thought. When my husband left me, He was all I had. As I leaned on Him, prayed, read a Psalm every night to help me sleep, worshipped Him with my whole being I realized that if I wasn’t careful I could go onto the wrong path easily. I met with my Pastor and put myself under the protection of him and the elders. He set me up with an accountability partner. She was great. She allowed me to vent, yet kept me in line with the scriptures. She prayed with me and helped me to keep things in perspective. It was really hard at times because the stress and pressure I was under. I wanted to just run off and go somewhere that I wasn’t known. God kept me anchored and helped me keep my life as stable as possible for my girls. I held down 1 full-time, 1 part-time, and 1 whenever I could do it job. By staying at the same church I had people watching every move I made. I listened to lectures, to pity comments, etc. People meant well, but I knew I had to listen to just one Voice, the One who would keep me on the right path. I stepped out of serving for about a year to enable me to keep my focus on what He wanted to show me. As I stayed quiet I learned that even in times of suffering you can worship God. The way you walk through the fire could bring honor and glory to Him. During this time He gave me a passage, Isaiah 43:1-3a. Whenever the fire got hot, or I felt like I would drown I would go to this passage and be strengthened. Kathy Troccoli’s song, “My Life is in Your Hands” became my song of remembrance. I believe Steve Green sang, “Refiner’s Fire” and it was my challenge to remember that He was refining me. God had work to do in me whether I completely was reconciled to my husband or not. I needed to allow Him to chisel away all the rough edges and let Him purify me in burning away all the sin that I was guilty of in the break-up of my marriage as I stood at the line of reconciliation. I began to be drawn to books, scripture commentaries, anything I could get my hands on to help become more of what God wanted me to be than what I thought I should be. I began getting more involved in my church, serving in areas I had before only this time as a servant not a leader. God was refining and molding me. After several years I looked back in my journals and saw the gentle changes He made in me. I could see it in my thought life, my writings, and felt it in my heart. The person who started out feeling all alone, made a great Best Friend, more acquainted with her Brother, cherishing the time she spent with her Father, and basked in the love of her Husband. God became all of these to me. He brought me to a point that I didn’t need a relationship with the opposite sex. I was content with what I had with Him. I had other relationships with people, friends, and sisters-in-Christ. He gave me big brothers and sisters, younger ones as well. Aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews through the relationships I had with my fellow Christians. I enjoyed my times with them, but none of them were more important to me than what I had with Him. My life was fuller than it had ever been. This is when I realized that the most important thing I learned was that in developing my relationship with Christ was the most important relationship I could focus on. I started off looking at the horizon and ended up looking at the Son. Alone? Never!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Journey Home
It took me awhile to really be able to look back and see where my journey home began. After my divorce I tried to fill the void with all kinds of things. My lifestyle was like a drug that was relatively easy to acquire. It really was a very selfish life. After having been in numerous relationships I finally realized that all I was doing was adding to my pain. I decided to stop dating, just like that. I still felt the same pain and questioned why I was still miserable and empty. I still drank and partied supporting myself with my bartending job. My friend and I were in the top 10 bartenders in Houston so we were pretty well known wherever we decided to party. Many people would greet us as though we were best buds, we didn’t have a clue who they were. Upon making the decision to stop dating I noticed my friends hanging out with me less and less. I also started losing my popularity in my work. I was sitting by the pool at my apartment complex in Houston one evening when I witnessed a murder about 100 feet away from me. I decided I needed to get away from there. I went to stay with my parents at their cabin in Tennessee for the summer. When I came back I packed up my stuff and moved to the small town where my parents lived. This totally removed me from all the influences that kept me distracted from the real pain I was trying to medicate. You would think that I’d have gone stir crazy, but I found a peace that I’d not felt in a long time. You might say that I experienced a God-sized intervention.
I began going to church more and more frequently, yet I was still finding fault with some of those striving to live the Christian life. I was still struggling with my own flesh wanting to stay in control. I felt the pain from my broken marriage and all the relationships that I tried to heal it with subside each day. During this time God used another death to cause me to turn my eyes to Him. As I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs, it was at my uncle’s death bed that I rediscovered Jesus and His will for my life. I saw such peace that I knew my troubled soul was longing for. In my uncle and his family’s faces I saw the comfort for my hurting heart and the balm for my broken life. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen because it was the closest I’d ever come to seeing Jesus. He was in their faces though they were suffering and in pain He shone through. Right then I knew I wanted that – I wanted Him.
I have come to believe that the best place to be in your singleness is to be single minded and focus on building the relationship with Christ. It isn’t an easy journey but one that is so rewarding.
I’ll never forget the first sermon I heard when I went to church for the first time in many years. The title was, “Coming Home.” I realized the journey home I thought I was on wasn’t to my parent’s home but to my Father’s heart.
Luke 15:11-22
Will you begin your journey home? He’s been waiting for you.
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