ALONE?

I don’t know if I was really ready to be on my own after having been under the submission of my parents and then immediately a husband. I hadn’t had to make my own decisions in I didn’t know how long. I knew I had God but realized I wasn’t as close to Him as I had thought. When my husband left me, He was all I had. As I leaned on Him, prayed, read a Psalm every night to help me sleep, worshipped Him with my whole being I realized that if I wasn’t careful I could go onto the wrong path easily. I met with my Pastor and put myself under the protection of him and the elders. He set me up with an accountability partner. She was great. She allowed me to vent, yet kept me in line with the scriptures. She prayed with me and helped me to keep things in perspective. It was really hard at times because the stress and pressure I was under. I wanted to just run off and go somewhere that I wasn’t known. God kept me anchored and helped me keep my life as stable as possible for my girls. I held down 1 full-time, 1 part-time, and 1 whenever I could do it job. By staying at the same church I had people watching every move I made. I listened to lectures, to pity comments, etc. People meant well, but I knew I had to listen to just one Voice, the One who would keep me on the right path. I stepped out of serving for about a year to enable me to keep my focus on what He wanted to show me. As I stayed quiet I learned that even in times of suffering you can worship God. The way you walk through the fire could bring honor and glory to Him. During this time He gave me a passage, Isaiah 43:1-3a. Whenever the fire got hot, or I felt like I would drown I would go to this passage and be strengthened. Kathy Troccoli’s song, “My Life is in Your Hands” became my song of remembrance. I believe Steve Green sang, “Refiner’s Fire” and it was my challenge to remember that He was refining me. God had work to do in me whether I completely was reconciled to my husband or not. I needed to allow Him to chisel away all the rough edges and let Him purify me in burning away all the sin that I was guilty of in the break-up of my marriage as I stood at the line of reconciliation. I began to be drawn to books, scripture commentaries, anything I could get my hands on to help become more of what God wanted me to be than what I thought I should be. I began getting more involved in my church, serving in areas I had before only this time as a servant not a leader. God was refining and molding me. After several years I looked back in my journals and saw the gentle changes He made in me. I could see it in my thought life, my writings, and felt it in my heart. The person who started out feeling all alone, made a great Best Friend, more acquainted with her Brother, cherishing the time she spent with her Father, and basked in the love of her Husband. God became all of these to me. He brought me to a point that I didn’t need a relationship with the opposite sex. I was content with what I had with Him. I had other relationships with people, friends, and sisters-in-Christ. He gave me big brothers and sisters, younger ones as well. Aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews through the relationships I had with my fellow Christians. I enjoyed my times with them, but none of them were more important to me than what I had with Him. My life was fuller than it had ever been. This is when I realized that the most important thing I learned was that in developing my relationship with Christ was the most important relationship I could focus on. I started off looking at the horizon and ended up looking at the Son. Alone? Never!